


Spade Talk

by BadDuckPuns



Category: Homestuck, The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 14:11:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14935802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadDuckPuns/pseuds/BadDuckPuns
Summary: Magnus and Kilian are rivals in the purest sense of the word. They always push each other further and further. But what happens when Caarey is involved with both of them?





	Spade Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Ok hear me out.  
> This is just TAZ but they use Homestuck quadrant terms and have troll-length names.  
> Furthermore, in this fic, spades romance isn't just hatesnogging. It's two rivals who constantly push each other to become better and better.

Magnus strolled into the gym, shouldering his gym bag. Spotting his kismeisis, he waved her over. "What's up snaggle-fang?" "Nothin' much, scraggle-beard. How's your workout going? At the rate I saw yesterday, you could probably catch up to me in, hmm, about a decade or so." Magnus laughed and playfully checked her on the shoulder. "Me, catch up to you? Bitch, please. You ever hear what they say about projection?" Kilian rolled her eyes and jabbed a thumb at some exercise equipment. "Ready to start for today?" "Ready to get your ass kicked?" Kilian raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you just talking about projection? Maybe you're the one projecting." Magnus shook his head. "Are you saying I'm projecting about your projection? Maybe you're projecting about my projecting of your projection." "No, I think that you're projecting about my projecting of your projection of my projection." "Actually, I think you're projecting about my projecting of your projecting of my projecting of your projection." "Just get on the fucking treadmill." The two both stepped onto their respective machines and began the standard rhythm of increasing the treadmill's speed whenever they had been at the same level for too long. After a few minutes, Magnus broke the silence. "So, you've started going out with Caarey. Hearts-wise, right?" he asked, glancing at his opponent. "Yep." Kilian responded, not turning her head or breaking her stride. "Well, I just want to fufill my duty as her moirail and tell you that-" "Hold it, Burnsi. Are you really about to give me a shovel talk?" Kilian interrupted, stopping the treadmill and hopping off the end. Magnus followed suit as he continued. "Of course, I'm her moirail, I have to." "Fuck off, no you don't. What are we, wigglers? I've known her longer than you have, and I could clearly beat you in a fight." Magnus barked a short laugh. "Wow, you really think that, huh? Maybe you are a wiggler, cause you seem to have a thinkpan as small as one." "Like you're one to talk. How about instead of squabbling like squack beasts, we settle this like adults. In the ring. And don't bother inviting Caarey. I'm sure you don't want your pwecious wittle moiwail watching me shove my blister pod up your protein shoot." "Oh, it's on now. Meet me in 20 minutes." "Psch, you need 20 minutes to get ready? Do you need that much time to psyche yourself up to lose? Or are you just going to spend that time making out with your fuckin teammates?" "No, I need that long to help The Director set up the Rights of Remembrance. She needs to be ready for the fucking massacre this is going to be."  
50 minutes later, the reclaimer and the regulator were both on their backs in the boxing room, pantinf heavily. Caarey stood against one of the walls, flicking peanuts into her mouth. "Y'know, I Pity both of you. You don't need to compete over me." Magnus raised his head to look at his moirail. "Yeah, we do, actually." "He's right, for once." Kilian contributed from her position on the mat. Caarey rolled her eyes and walked over to the towel rack. She'd never understand pitch romance.

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to my friend Vi for proofreading this weird bullshit. Sorry babe!
> 
> Check me out on Tumblr @fantasy-jeeves


End file.
